Tamara, my ever beloved wife.

My spirit, my inspiration and my strength. It was 12 years ago, a sunny Saturday afternoon when we had our first glance at a book store in San Francisco. I never thought that very first moment we had would start a very fruitful relationship between you and me. You caught my attention when you were looking for a book and asking me if I’d read it.. At first, your kind smile melted my heart. I knew at that very moment I saw an angel sent by God; an angel who would watch over me and take care of me for the rest of my life.

Tamara your name is music to my ears. Tamara your name I can’t get out of my head. Tamara I love you!

Tamara died of massive organ failure from late stage alcoholism last night, Monday, June 15, 2009 at 9:47PM. She was 44 years old. For the past 7 years as she struggled with alcoholism, When I met Tamara she was a beautiful blond who stood 5″6″ and weighed 125 lbs. When she passed away, she weighed 80 pounds. Tamara maintained her strength and faith. And because of this illness Tamara risked not to have a child from me. I understand how she felt on having our own child since Tamara was under medication, very ill, and we did not want the child to suffer from any complications. I’m still very proud of Tamara that she made a brave decision about this.

Tamara was a tough woman. I never heard Tamara complain in spite of pain and danger. Tamara was still able to comfort friends and family through her loving smiles and compassionate bright ideas. Tamara opened many hearts and souls, including mine. Tamara left a lot of loving memories on my heart that I will hold and remember forever.

Every Valentine’s day, I made it a point that Tamara always received flowers and a gift from me. I sent it either to her office or to the house. I remember the first time I sent her one, Tamara was expecting it to arrive at her office, and Tamara went home disappointed. To her surprise when Tamara got home there was a bunch of flowers and a big bear waiting for her. Tamara flooded me with Thank You’s when I arrived home. I wanted Tamara to be very happy every hearts day. Tamara you are now flooded with your favorite flowers, this is not just coming from me but from all the people who are dear to you.

Whenever I was away for a business trip, Tamara could not stand being alone. I heard her cry every night when I called her. Tamara missed me a lot and it was hard for her to let a day pass without me beside her. And because of this, I decided never to go anywhere without her. In December 2004, our marriage was amicably ended. Tamara knew that we could not go on as a couple as she struggled with alcoholism and refused to get treatment.. She moved to Portland to be with her sister and mother. She continued to struggle with alcoholism. And she continued to love me. We were the very best of friends. She was my biggest fan and was so happy when I appeared on Mythbusters two years ago. Shortly, after that TV appearance I went to visit Tamara for one last attempt to get her into a treatment program. I brought with me a professional interventionist and we failed because Tamara did not want to stop drinking. She said, “Dave, I know I have to, but I can’t. You know that unless a person wants to change, no one can help them. It is too late for me. So, please forgive me.” In a tearful, gut-wrenching Gestalt filled day of resolving the unfinished business between us, I forgave her and she forgave me for not being able to help her. It was a very healing day for both of us. She asked me to take the wisdom of her addiction to help other people with my hypnotherapy practice and in that way, she would always be with me in helping people. We both knew she would not be alive much longer and so we spent at least a day every week talking on the phone.

What I would like you to remember about Tamara is: Tamara was a great conversationalist; Tamara was a great cook; Tamara was a great poet; Tamara was a great writer; Tamara loved books; Tamara was a great athlete – she was a PADI certified divemaster, a triathlete, a basketball player, a baseball player; Tamara was the best sound person I ever had for my Hypnosis Show; Tamara was kind, gentle, caring, and loving. Tamara loved her two cats – Satchel and Lefty.

Tamara was able to serve me well and at the same time Tamara was able to meet her favorite cartoon character Mickey Mouse in person on our honeymoon at Disneyland. And now in this time, I miss her so much.

Tamara prepared me in this life journey to be strong and mature. We can’t explain why things happen. The only thing I’m holding to is the teaching that Spirit causes all things to work together and causes all good to those who love. Tamara’s illness has a reason. If we are willing to learn from what happens to us, then we must release our resistance to the event and be willing to bear the vision before us as only it can teach us — show us — why what has transpired has gone the way it has.

Today we mourn for Tamara’s loss. However, we rejoice for having her in our life, my loving Tamara. We will be seeing each other soon. Love you so much.

The last time I spoke to her was two weeks ago. She seemed to know the end was near and she asked me to share a poem by Emily Dickinson, as she was one of Tamara’s favorite poets.

Asleep by Emily Dickinson